Horrific Incident when I met Cher

I received the following message in the post this morning.

. . . come and find me at my secret place this evening at six o'clock. I'll write my name on the door so you'll know where I am. Your friend cher. . . that's right . . . the singer. . .

Having never met cher i was Intrigued and went to the secret place at six. I found an old door with the word "cher" written on it in. I pushed the door open and went inside.

At the other end of the room there was a tall skinny figure with long black hair swaying back and forth. She was making some kind of awful sound. "Oh no" I thought. . . could it actually be??.

The figure turned around to face me and indeed it was cher! What was she doing here. Having no desire to find out I backed away towards the door, keeping her in my line of sight in case she tried to dance-attack me.  As I turned round to open the door, standing in between me and my exit was cher. "How did you get there?" I shouted. "look I'm  not even a fan, I thought you were good in mermaids and that film with the big faced kid but. . .

Cher slapped me hard in the face. . ."silence!" she shouted, and began to slap me again and again until I fell on the floor.

She was now standing above me and started to twist her head from left to right. Each time her head twisted it would make a large SNAP sound and every time she heard the snap she said "shoop. . .shoop".

I tried to ask her a question but she shook her head and took off her leather jacket. " this jacket's older than you" she said and large black spider legs started to grow out of her back. . . I passed out. . .

When I awoke I was tied to a chair in the middle of the room by a silky web, and cher was crawling rapidly round the walls of the room. She was singing 'walking in mephis' and she was crying. . . I began to cry too.

Unable to take any more of this horror I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and began eating my own head.

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